Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
