Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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