if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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