Dual....:-)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
