i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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