he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
