I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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