She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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