he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
