can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
