from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
