she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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