matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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