But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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