Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
