She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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