I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
