Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
