So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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