Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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