Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
