I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
