ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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