im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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