I love black thongs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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