actually, I'm a sock model
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
