I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got inside last night via doggy door
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
