i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
