What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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