I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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