Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
