i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
