dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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