Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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