if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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