I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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