Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
