here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
