He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
