wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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