Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
