dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
