i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
