worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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