just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
