Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
