he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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