Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
