Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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