Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
