people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
